@dan I would be judicious in changing things. I agree there are a lot of parenthetical notes, dashes, etc.; but that is the way it was published in French. It is a translator’s temptation to change things; we must resist the urge. 
- Son (his): I changed its to an rather than our.
- Since ad vitam aeternam is Latin and in the original article, I wouldn’t touch that.
- Guillemets are French quotation marks. They aren’t used in the English language. We should change them accordingly.
Lastly, since the document is open to all to edit, the result can be haphazard. I am sure @patdavid @paperdigits et al. will give it a final look before publishing the translation. 