I was diagnosed with that for six or seven years before they found lyme, which hasn’t made it any easier to treat. No insomnia, but still not back working. Considering various ways to work from home.
1 Like
@afre Lets start getting productive:
Where is your CV that I can look into?
Where is your LinkedIn or XING page?
@anon41087856 Your diagram is nice but the really evil thing is, that the circles are moving in real live. 
And I think in perhaps 5% of the stuff I do I get the 4 and that is enough to not change the job.
2 Likes
Dear @afre I ever wanted to ask you, what “afre” stands for and how it might be linked to your name IRL 
From this conversation, I had to check lots of English words, I was not aware of before. I hope I do not make any mistakes due to bad and insufficient language capabilities…
One word (not the only one) I have learned is antagonistic. In my language (German) it has a very harsh and ugly meaning but also could have a little bit more mild, indeed still critical, meaning.
I would like to see you change to a more positive attitude (please accept this like a friend’s, well-meaning criticism). I donno whether you have the necessary relax and distance to all your mental load (I am not denying that, please get me right) and read your own post e.g. from yesterday, starting with "From that critical aspect, “I guess you all saw past my cover story”
It is, forgive me, quite loaded with negative energy. Please change that. Everybody is somebody, so do you!
That being said, I want to amend something to the very valuable input from @anon41087856. Please also consider, for which reason, companies will not hire somebody. Surprise: it is the same reason just other way around. Companies are very sensitive to “buy in into problems”. Applicants with negative energy and low self-confidence are deemed to be a source of problems.
So stop saying, you have no chance. Think of the things you have done good and be confident of your achievements (not show off but confident).
If you want to become a mod of pixls.us, which I could definitely imagine it could be approved, then take your finger out of the butt, write a short, crisp application and send it to @patdavid or who is responsible for that. In case you get refused, learn from the reasoning, change/adopt, prove for change and apply again.
Sincerely
Axel
1 Like
Similar to hostile.
Though afre has since clarified it was not really meant this way, and may have been one of those internet miscommunications.
yes, I realised this. And that is the very harsh meaning. Besides you two guys communication I did observe something, wich I would almost use the same word but way much less harsh meaning 
And tried my best to express with my post.
Okay, to the original intent of the thread:
- Out of high school, did 20 years and a couple of hours of military service in the U.S. Air Force. Retired in the grade of Major, with a doctorate in computer science.
- Three years in academia: professor, academic advisor, and finally department chair. School politics got the better of this endeavor…
- Nineteen years in the aerospace industry. I put in to retire last year, but they talked me into a 20hour/week arrangement where I cover meetings and provide guidance to the younger folk taking on the mantle.
I can’t claim any personal hardship. Been quite fortunate in it all, bit of ‘right-place-right-time’, bit of ‘okay-I’ll-do-that-even-if-I-don’t-know-how’. Best career advice i’ve ever gotten came from a Canadian major general who came to our staff officer school seminar. When asked, “Sir, to what do you contribute your success?” he said, “Not really sure, I just did two things: 1) did the best I could at whatever job I had, and I was sometimes more successful at that than others, and 2) when an opportunity availed itself I went for it, respecting my current commitments.”
I pass that on whenever I can; it’s worked okay for me…
3 Likes
I agree that the human world has become way too complex and complicated and there is a need to reduce complexity. But I think it is a very difficult task.
Btw, did you ever read “Il Principe” by Macchiavelli? I read it years ago and liked it a lot
1 Like
Nice! More perspectives! Appreciate them! I am a little unusual in that I have wrestled with some of these deep questions even as a child (grade 2). 
Feels like I have lived through many lifetimes.
English isn’t my first language either but it is the one that I have employed the most. I am still learning as well. Sorry that I have been unfair to nonnative English speakers. I tend to wax poetic with loose idioms and references. Might not be easy reading… E.g.
is using the idiom blow one’s cover, which means reveal one’s real identity or intention. It alludes to how people disregarded my opening question to answer the question behind my question. It is meant to be said with a 
. One thing I would say is that I did mean for people to answer the “cover” story as @ggbutcher kindly has.
You are quite perceptive. This is my main problem. Most social problems seem to come from two sources: my social anxiety and negativity, both of which are justified (because of being in perpetual abusive and toxic environments) but are incredibly unhelpful for my well being and superficial credibility.
I don’t have a chance as I am right now because of what I just said. I will be seen as what you said: volatile and untrustworthy, even though in practice I am consistently a force for good and excellence wherever I go. This isn’t unusual for people who have suffered much, who as a result tend to struggle between extremes and contradictions in demeanour and self-analysis.
A dream, not a goal in itself. I do however wish to learn from @patdavid et al. at a closer proximity. That is what I really meant by it. Of course, having a designation or a reference from a notable person would certainly help. 
At least, from the recruiter’s perspective.
@subliminal re: EQ. Since childhood, I have always struggled with having my face shoved into the gravel, even though I knew that I could be at the same level as (or above) my peers and actually benefit them. Sadly, that is not the way of the world. It is rare for a leader to be truly benevolent or to have gotten there by skill and wholesomeness alone. In reality, having good community support is uncommon. In my case, I don’t have any. That is, until this past year; maybe things are in the up and up? – we’ll see.
@ggbutcher Thanks for following my guidelines. As I said, it is a cover but I still appreciate it because it provides context to one’s advice, grounding it in reality. My maxim is similar to your major general’s. Point #1 would be something to this effect: Do my best given the situation. Don’t limit myself by preconceived notions because they can make my perspective myopic and narrow. Point #2 would be the same.
Yes, both a strength and weakness of my character is that I tend toward difficult tasks because it will bring about the most good for others. But often the success rate is low and so it comes at a great personal cost without a favourable outcome. In my childhood, people with credentials on paper thought I was naive, perfectionist and had a personality disorder for thinking noble thoughts. Talk about cynicism and fatalism! Adults and children treated me terribly and ruined my life and formation as a young boy.
I grew up in the extreme north of Sweden. Same house until i moved out at 18. I have many siblings and we had a lot of animals quite a few of which we ate but never sold.
I work as an architect and have had frankly insane opportunities for someone of my limited ambition*. I’ve worked on important public buildings and for influential small architecture offices. I became an architect through a series of accidents involving living abroad, flat sharing with people knowing someone working somewhere suddenly deciding to side load me into university in this foreign country.
I’ve basically never had a plan, a goal or been sure what I’d be doing for the next year. Things have turned up, several important people have taken me in in a sort of patronage way without me looking for it to happen. It’s clear to me that if this happens once it feeds the cycle and it will happen again. I have since moved out to the relative periphery (globally not nationally) and work a much more normal job whilst raising a small family. This shift was done fully knowing, partly for family reasons and partly to work on projects closer to everyday life. I have nice colleagues but the work environment and clients make excellence impossible. I miss working with and talking to incredibly talented colleagues but not really working on prestigious projects.
I’m in the strange but comfortable position in my early forties to have worked with and voluntarily left the best offices I can think of globally. I live in a small rented council owned flat outside the city but like it and my neighbourhood. Scheming a bit about things to do, all outside paid work and normal career. (not because I’m rich but because I have small needs)
A great thing about being an architect is the ability to read all buildings and cities. No capital city, peripheral village or gas station is uninteresting because it always reveals something about the society that created it. Traveling is always great. The major downside is that when working as an architect you are yourself limited to elaborating within the strict confines of that society. With architecture the problem is that almost no building is built for the right reasons at the moment.
I use photography a lot in my work as a research tool, for recording, for presenting, for looking and for teaching. I use free software at work Blender, Gimp, Rawtherapee.
*limited in the sense that I’m actually, really, very uninterested in status and success. I am however extremely interested in architecture and most of the processes surrounding it. I think this helped me a lot as lack of fear can be misinterpreted as skill or knowledge.
1 Like
Yes, I do things regardless. But others’ metrics definitely affect one’s life, esp. when one has no agency as a footstool. My trouble is that it takes a whole lot of inconvenience to do simple things. People nowadays call it privilege or the lack thereof but as I said earlier framing everything in that respect is highly unhealthy. It is about being reasonable. That said, having an appropriate esteem level is important.
1 Like
Hello @afre
That said, having an appropriate esteem level is important.
I am aware I am repeating myself on this post of yours…
However, given how well you frame your thoughts and how excellent is your level of written english you should much more self-confident…
1 Like
Sorry @Tobias and anyone who said the same thing. I don’t have the social capital right now to be that public. I don’t have enough for a CV; been involved in lots of unoffical uncredited things. ATM, I am sharing my info with one person at a time for feedback and slowly learning as I go.
If anyone offers to take a look at my resume in its current form and provide constructive feedback in private, I shall venture to pull my head out of the sand and PM them.
The daily routine of mine has been reading job postings, trying to decipher what they entail, occasionally applying. Mostly visiting Indeed and the govt job bank. Not much of interest. As mentioned earlier, everything requires a cert and years of experience yet offer minimal or low pay. I am not above any job but due to the reasons I shared previously, I won’t have the wherewithal or energy to deal with bad conditions and being paid poorly at the same time. It is one or the other, preferably none. Reading job postings is so darn depressing.
Besides care related jobs, I have applied to the top pharmacy store chain as a pharmacy assistant. No response. Been at one several times to take a COVID-19 test and boy do they do things slowly and inefficiently, like they are on vacation. I could run the pharmacy and store myself at at least 200% productivity without a bead of sweat! Come on people! The burn is that I might never be hired by them at any location, at least not until I get that 2 year “preferred” cert. I also hazarded in applying for administrative and assistant manager positions, even bank teller. Again, rudimentary but definitely in abundance and a way into their respective industries…?
Then there are the “good” jobs that are probably fake. Their requirements are ivory tower and they don’t ever seem to be taken, only indefinitely re-posted. If they are big government, city, university or hospital related, I guess they don’t want to pay the big bucks for someone to actually fill the role, however essential they may be. I surmise that although there is apparent hundreds of thousands of jobs or more out there most are for show that our economy is healthy.
Last job I applied to was an entry government job that doesn’t seem to require much, so probably being applied to by everyone under the sun because the pay and benefits are good. I will be in the hiring pool after the deadline. Then it will be years of waiting for that lucky draw… 
A small update folks. After completely failing last time, I mustered some courage, outwitted my traumas and toxic social circles, and applied for 3 trainee jobs offered by my city. Extremely low pay and short term but it is a start.
If any regulars, devs or site admins want to vouch for me, I would be happy to share my resume, cover letter and job post descriptions with you. Of course, depending on who it is, I still have to think about it first because I am still embarrassed about the way the applications turned out. But I still need more references, so PM me if you are interested or have a word of encouragement. Many thanks!
6 Likes
Almost 12 months from the onset of my neurological issues (In hospital for a week in July 2020, with suspect stroke symtoms, mainly dragging right leg, limb weakness), and I think my employment may be coming to an end soon due to medical retirement. This is despite still no diagnosis, despite 5 MRI scans (brain, neck * 2, lumbar and thoracis spine), and a CT scan.
Probably not helped by the global pandemic delaying everything!
2 Likes
I’m sorry to hear your troubles. I hope you will improve. If you’re forced into retirement, is there some work you can do to supplement your income?
1 Like
@Brian_Innes I remember you sharing this. Thanks for the update. It will take more than an adjustment for you. I hope you find the right specialists, family and friends to accompany you on this journey.
My late father acquired Parkinson’s disease among other illnesses very early in his life and lost his employment immediately. I myself acquired several physical and neurological-psychological challenges late high school and early university, which upended my entire life. I hinted at some of it in the thread already but words cannot describe how vulnerable I am and how uncaring and callous society is for the suffering.
I am available anytime (within reason 
) if you want to chat.
4 Likes
Unfortunately trying to get employment, during a global pandemic, after being medically retired I think would be somewhat difficult… So I suspect I’d need to claim disability benefits 
I understand your situation. 
Maybe you could do some part-time business of your own? Consulting, photography, education? Or something that does not require you to use your leg too much, even if it’s a huge departure from what you had done before the health issues arose. A small webshop related to a hobby (old books, fishing equipment, used cameras/lenses)? Having something to do, something that makes you feel you’re not just sitting at home, would be very beneficial. Even if it’s just an hour or two a day, even if it’s charity work that does not bring money – but keeps you connected, keeps you feel useful. (My wife has just gone through opening her own shop, so I think it’s not easy, but I see how happy she every time she gets a new client).
1 Like
Could be muscular dystrophy, could be pompe disease. My mother has pompe . If it was diagnosed 25 years earlier the progression could have been stopped. She got the right diagnosis just a few years ago basically at the last second to not die. She was wrongly diagnosed for decades as muscular dystrophy instead of pompe. We even went to doctors in the US and Canada. They all wrongly diagnosed her. It’s a very rare condition but the progression can be stopped. The earlier the better. Mention pompe disease to your doctor.
As for the dragging the right leg. I hope that’s all there is. And if it’s any consolation, Dr. House drags his right leg too and still operates on people
1 Like