Well, the right leg stopped dragging after a couple of weeks, however both legs are somewhat weak now. I think the neurologist is looking to rule the likes of Multiple Sclerosis out, although I reckon I’m going to get a “tick box” diagnosis of Functional Neurological Disorder, which seems to be a common diagnosis, when the medical profession can’t explain whats wrong…
Although I am more mobile than I was 6 months ago, so that’s a bit of a relief, just not mobile enough for my job…
Hm, FND diagnosis seems like it’s a both blessing and a curse. From what I’ve red on it seems to be a mental condition. It’s probably a tough thing to overcome if it’s even possible but maybe a lifestyle or a job change will do you good (much easier said than done). I’m not really surprised people are getting this. It seems if there was a time to be diagnosed with FND it would be in this crazy covid-19 times. I don’t want to speculate about your mental state but in my surroundings there has even been an up in suicides for no particular reason than loneliness and being alone with ones thoughts. I’m not gonna lie, this time has affected me too mentally. Maybe this is just how your body processed the stress of this time.
Then again, I’d be careful of doctors giving the FHD diagnosis too lightly and jumping to conclusions these days. It seems to be a pretty unexplored area from what I read.
I think everyone is meaning well here, and I by no means have any right to claim high ground, nevertheless I can’t not speak up giving the level of speculation on a very, very sensitive topic (personal heath) here:
I would be vary about discussing specifics and even more so giving well-meant, but inherently speculative advice based on very little and remote information like in this situation online. i can relate to a lot that has been said here, and could add my personal experiences to it, but I think that’s dangerous. Because humans are individuals, varying a lot, and we have a strong bias towards personal experiences: We react to little parts of information that mirror something from our own experiences. And that might be spot on, or just as likely completely off.
The potential to discuss with anyone and tap into the collective knowledge of a lot of people reachable online is both a blessing and a curse - be mindful of that and when in doubt, better rely on professionals and your direct, trusted contacts (family, friends).
I wish everyone lots of energy and patience, especially in these times that are hard for many.
You’re right. I hope my opinions didn’t come across as a medical advice. I’m am in no way informed as well as a medical professional. I do however empathize a lot with Brian. It’s a *hitty thing that he’s dealing with right now.
Again, take my opinions and advice with a grain of salt. I am not a medical professional. I have been dealing with a lot of doctors in my life tho and across multiple countries so I know it can be frustrating at times but this is again my personal experience which might not translate to anyone other than me. So again, grain or two of salt 
Yes, I’m not seeking medical advice, just expressing my exasperation about delays in getting answers, and the frustrations about employment prospects 
A small update. I got an interview on Wed early in the morning. Mornings are the worst for me ha ha. Wish me luck, or if there is no such thing as luck that I am able to communicate my competence to the recruitment team. I know I am equipped to do the job and exceed expectations, but it is a matter of convincing myself to convince others that I am that person out of the sea of candidates, without being negative, cynical or dark about it. Anyway, whether I make it or not, I am glad I am applying for jobs again, which I pretty much halted for more than 15 years because of life’s circumstances. Better late than never I suppose.
Go out there and take it… Good Luck…
Upside of early in the morning: You won’t have too much time to worry while getting ready for the meeting 
Try to relax, be the afre we know and approach this interview without any undue expectations.
I’m glad to read that life’s circumstances seem to have lessened their grip on you.
Good luck coming Wednesday!
Good luck
!
Thank you!
The uncertainty is that I will be borrowing a third party laptop for the interview because mine, as I tend to repeat, is broken. I will be doing a practice run tomorrow to make sure it works. I could go to the store and buy a new one and then return it in 2 weeks but I don’t feel good about doing that. A minor bother is that the only necktie knot I know isn’t symmetrical looking. Thoughts?
Are you kidding? Or is it really such a formal environment that the kind of knot would matter? I’ve never worn a tie for a job interview.
I don’t have much interview experience but I was once asked where my jacket was and I already felt overdressed. That said, I was happy that I didn’t land on that job even though that left me jobless that summer. That was long ago when I started university. Things may have changed…?
PS I checked the City’s webinar slides and a collared shirt and tie are required.
That entirely depends on all of the sector, job (level) and locality. However unless it’s a job about clothing, it’s secondary. Or if it’s customer facing, then also wear whatever is in line with what’s expected in these roles. The most important point is that you feel comfortable with what you wear. Of course wearing a tuxedo for a live concert sound technician interview or a skull t-shirt to a banking back-office job won’t do you any favors, but that should fall under the obvious/facetious categories.
Edit: Just saw the edit - well then it’s clear what it got to be. I enjoyed the double windsor in the compulsory army service - but just because I enjoy tying knots, not because I have any sense of style. So maybe don’t take my advise xD
I found out that I made the most connection when I didn’t had a job, and met a lot of people by going to meetup I’m in interested in. These connexion gave me a lot of opportunities to potential work. I got such an opportunity 2.5 years ago when a contact reach out to me, because they started a project and ask if I could help. It wasn’t in my direct expertise (I was web developper at the time, they asked my to magae their digital project migration). But I found that opportunity and learned a lot. I kept meeting people, and once the project ended (mid covid year 2020), I found another contact I knew year before, who did the same work as I did, and we are working today together.
Keep reaching out to people. The more you speak, tell your story, show what you like and want, you’ll meet some people wanting to work with you. Do not think only to become an employee, you could be a contractor.
As you told us your story, you have already a large experience in people’s care (even if it were your parents). This experience can’t be found anywhere, and you could build something on this. An opportunities are large. Of course you could go to home care (I don’t know how to name them 
), you could start blogging your experience, or videoing it, and could be a way to show people your experince and may be find some job that way… adverstising it.
And no you aren’t too old to start a youtube channel I started my photo YT channel last november, soooo, it’s possible 
(I still have a small audience, but that’s not my goal).
You have opportunity of doing a lot. You canstart by doing what you have the most experience in, and share.
There will certainly be a lot of interviews, and you might be depressed a lot, so try to reach out to as many ways as you can and not focus on only one path. Just my 2 swiss centimes ^^
Good luck.
Keep this in mind when you first spy that person/people who will decide. There are those here who know you are competent. I am among that number. Know this when you face them. You are their peer. You are competent to face them, converse with them, decide if your mutual futures are best carried out by your effort. However that decision may go, remember this: you have already been found competent. You’ve turned that trick. You can turn it again. If not in this interview, then in some other, and perhaps in some other better place.
Yes, that is the one. I usually forget to do one of the loops.
How did it go today?? I was sending + thought your way
It went reasonably well. I may have made 3 minor missteps before, during and after the interview, respectively, but that is me being hypercritical. I wanted to journal about the job application process so far but decided against it. I guess this thread in general could be incriminating. 
What I would say is that I think I would like to do this short term thing. The actual day to day teamwork sounds good when I asked about it, and although the main interviewer (possible future boss) is kind of strict from what I can gather, I think both would be okay to work with and learn from.
You might find this interesting. It was a topic of our lab meeting today. It is framed against the backdrop of academia but one could argue we can all experience this to a greater or lesser degree during our lives
Imposter Syndrome.pdf (597.8 KB)
I don’t think I have imposter syndrome but rather suffer from the constant reinforcement of false narratives coming from abusive and toxic individuals and situations. I know these shadows are untrue and destructive but they are so embedded into my psyche that I face them everyday. It is a nightmare that won’t go away. I just have to live with it. It is hard because it is there even on my best day. When the struggle is revealed it is easy for people to turn away because it isn’t something that people want to deal with. It is tricky because it is something that doesn’t fit any category; and armchair folks, please don’t try.
Going back to my interview. The reason that I think it was decent was because I kept the darkness at bay. I smiled, showed and had a good time. I try to do that for people, including those in this community. Makes me forget the burden for a moment.